I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
