the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
