I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
