Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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