Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
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The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
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I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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