it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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