Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
of course. lets lasso hookers.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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