That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
