something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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