Just fell off a train. Bad.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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