I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
