i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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