Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
