I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
