I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
