I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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