It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
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Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
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I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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