Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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