i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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