How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
