I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
