Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
