you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
