My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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