just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
