Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
