im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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