I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
