I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
