new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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