Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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