He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
