I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
