After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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