Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
