So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
