I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
