Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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