I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
