Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
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The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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