I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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