so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
