it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
