I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
