I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
then he tried to convert me to islam
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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