I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
