I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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