No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
