I like to think it a success when the cops are called
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
