I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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