my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
