and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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