actually, I'm a sock model
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
