I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
