Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Sober January is a disaster.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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