what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
a search helicopter?!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
