kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
