Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Your cock deserves a montage
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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