I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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