I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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