How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
