Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
