also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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