I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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