the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
